I got bad knees and I cannot lie!
Seriously. I must have the knees of a 90 year old.
I was a field hockey goalie in high school and did some damage with reckless, uncontrolled kicking. I’ve had chondromalacia since then and with all the added weight on my frame since then, my knees have only gotten worse.
Through this whole process of becoming more fit, remarkably, the knees have been okay. I often ice them and avoid stairs after long outdoor rides, and opt for squats instead of lunges most of the time.. But overall, they’ve been “okay.” And the there was this week.
Tuesday morning I woke up in pain. I had hardly moved, didn’t even put my feet on the floor or anything. It was bad. Worse than anything I have felt in a long, long time. Looking back, I attribute this to sitting weird on Monday. I sat down at my desk and tucked my right leg up under my bum, basically sitting on it. Disaster.
I’ve been pretty unhappy this week as a result. Depressed. In pain. Not sure what I could do at the gym to get my heart rate up even if I wanted to.
This morning I went to spin and warned my instructor that my knee is all jacked up and I would just be chillin today, no resistance, etc. She warned me to be very, very careful. I was. I had no interest in further injury – but I did notice a considerable difference between what my head wanted to do and my physical limitations. I didn’t even break a sweat.
Anywho, my awesome instructor is a PT person and she gave me a quick evaluation after class. I likely have an MCL sprain, and have to be off my feet as much as possible over the next week or this could progress into something significantly more serious.
So, here we are.
I weighed in today. Down to 190.6. I’m sure if I could perform at full capacity I would’ve broken through into the 180’s.. but it is what it is..
The I Lost it at PEAC weight loss challenge is almost over, and this has been an interesting experience, especially since I’ve been so stalled out over the past few weeks. I have team mates and a coach that I’ve been worried about disappointing. It’s made me really take stock of where I am, where I’ve come from, and my overall goals.
How much of my self love and self worth is wrapped up in the acceptance/disappointment of others? Is that a fair assessment of myself as a person and all the work I’ve done to increase my fitness?
Just a few thoughts as I recline with an icepack on my knee and my tray table in an upright and locked position.
Big love to you.